A.D.D AT THE BALLGAME

GIVE ME SOME PEANUTS 

AND ADDERALL

Went to a Binghamton Mets game this last week.  Let me just say, I'm glad I took my Adderall beforehand. Because if I didn't have ADD before the game, I most surely would have acquired it by the 7th inning stretch!
NYSEG Stadium is a petrie dish for the breeding of sensory sensitive, attention challenged and poor impulsive control. Yep, priming kids to be their very best in classrooms all across the county!

For whatever reason, it seems to be a priority of the NYSEG Stadium execs to make sure that there is not one second without some kind of noise, or movement, or blinking lights to distract the audience from the possibility of forming an independent thought or reflecting for a moment.

ON YOUR MARK.....GET SET....

WHAT? I WASNT LISTENING

Lupo's Marinade Mascot runs against a Blue Thing
The Marinade Won

Here is "The Run", not to be confused with the "Mascot Run"
or the Dental Dash.

How To Fill 60 Seconds

Because children are not to be trusted to "behave" for the 60 seconds it takes for the teams to change sides, there is always something planned to fill that gaping void. God forbid somebody should let out a sigh, gaze absentmindedly, or read a program... 

You have the TOSSES, which are  effective tools to teach the begging and screaming, and "look at me" skills so necessary for survival in today's classrooms.  The Binghamton Mets Mascot, Buddy Bee shoots various types of merchandise out of air guns, rockets or sling shots, into the crowd, who are near hysterics at the thought of getting something for nothing.  The the t-shirt toss

is always popular. What kid doesn't want a size XXL orange colored shirt with sponsors names printed on it?

The food toss is a little hairier. One might ask, "Do I really want to catch and then consume this pathetic, crushed hot dog that was shot out of a gun by a grown man dressed like a giant bee with thumbs?" 

THE DENTAL DASH

Nobody can say that the NYSEG Stadium folks aren't doing their part to promote dental hygiene!  What better way to teach the importance of brushing than to have a local dental practice sponsor a DENTAL DASH! For the uninitiated, a dental dash is not to be confused with a dental dam. A dental dash requires a young child to run with an oversized toothbrush and brush every base. Remember that when you get ready for bed tonight little Freddy or Erma. You're an ALL-STAR! Make your teeth shine like home plate!  Next week...flossing with the back stop netting.

I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE 

I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING

Now stop breathing and start screaming!!

I believe that the scoreboard is able to induce seizures in some people.  Throughout the game it's blinking lights blink out messages.  These messages are gentle recommendations of what you, as a fan in the bleachers, should be doing at that specific moment in time

 "BATTLE CRY!!! DA DA DA DA DA DAAAAA CHARGE!!!!"

"LET'S MAKE SOME NOISE!"

Every 10 minutes or so, the scoreboard turns into a giant surveillance camera, and catches unsuspecting fans with the  KISS CAM ,  FOOD CAM and the KISS YOUR FOOD CAM.

SAD FACT: "Young people" today do not know the lyrics of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game"

but can perfectly sing and act out YMCA.  I weep for the future.